I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
