i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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