oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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