but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
