In the future we'll all be gay
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
