I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize