I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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