I need to stop coming to work sober
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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