i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
