just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
