last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
