its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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