Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
