She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
