Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
