ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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