I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
