It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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