I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
