Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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