When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she told me i tasted like america
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
