Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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