apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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