I'm drive I can fine osifer
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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