john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
