my phone needs a breathalizer
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
