Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
