My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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