My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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