The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
