i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
