I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
