Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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