I am in a vortex of obligation.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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