i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
