Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
