i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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