i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
