Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Randomize
