There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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