Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
