my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
