two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
