Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
