Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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