Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I need to stop coming to work sober
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
NoShamevember. You game?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
