If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
