Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
