I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
