We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
